Help for I have lost myself again

It was raining hard. A months worth of rain in one day according to most of the weather reports. The sky dark and the air heavy and damp. Causing many to seek refuge in there homes or places of work. Making the palace no different. The word and whispers had been so busy with talk about the murder of the Chuulain family and the betrayal and escape of the culprit Theodore Chuulain barely anyone had noticed the disappearance of Seamus. The few who did wondered if the boy had quit from pressure or is Fiachra had come to sense and sent the boy away but as the month ticked on people forgot.

So brings us back to today. The rain pouring causing many to duck into the palace for shelter some even watching the rain pour down flooding the streets. The drains blocking up from depry and unable to cope with the sheer amount of rain trying to go down them. It was hard to notice the figure stumbling toward the door. Drenched through his clothing that looked like it had seen better days. His hair stuck to his face hiding his eyes as cold shaky hands scrabbled to the door.

A badge with ink running was flashed and access was granted as the figure stumbled in from the rain. Wet was an understatement. Soaked more likely, Shivering so violently as fever settled in. No one noticed as he made his way towards the falcho's area with weak shuffled footsteps. Leaving small puddles of water and smear wet hand prints on the wall as he clung to it for stability. One would question if he was drunk but the soft sobs of pain that wrecked the thin small damp frame where generally ignored.

Seamus gritted his teeth as hot tears flowed down his icy cold skin. He hurt....everywhere hurt so bad he almost taught he was on fire. Stumbling as he headed towards where Fiachra would normally be if not training. He wanted....no needed his father! But his knees where weak....he had walked throughout Dublin and now his body was giving up. As his knees collapsed and he fell against he wall sinking to the ground he wondered if he was dieing. Coughing painfully he wondered if the warm liquid on his hand was spittle or blood he curled in onto himself shivering violently as sobs wrecked his forum. He wondered if anyone had even looked for him in the month he was gone...did anyone even notice....

The sound of rain falling was always rather relaxing to Rosaleen for it was constant, and often times soft to her ears. She was patrolling the halls this particular day that was a bit dreary for the lack of sunlight, but she didn't really mind. It wasn't like she could exactly miss the sunlight since she had been without it for a few years now. She paid no mind to the rumors that had floated about the palace for there were so many of them to be heard, and she was involved in some of them. No, she was worried about other matters at hand such as the growing tensions that Gavin was suffering under involving his family. She was also much more worried about another matter, and that was Seamus. She had not seen him about Faolchú lately and given their last conversation this had her greatly worried. There had been more than one occasion where she thought of speaking to Fiachra about it, but always she had stopped herself for she remembered the young man's words to her before they had separated.

As she walked, she was suddenly struck with an intense smell of rain which made her wonder if someone had left a window open. No... the smell was coming from a particular source and it was much to close to be a window. Besides, what idiot would leave a window open when it was raining cats and dogs outside? Drawn to the anomaly, she began to walk towards it, carefully trying to extend her pings to the dragons pulse so that she might get an image sooner rather than later. But it was to no avail. She could hear soft sounds echoing about the walls which made her brows furrow as she focused more upon them. They sounded like sobs... or pants... or... both? She didn't sense anything threatening so perhaps it was a servant who was in a bad spot right now? She rounded a corner and the sounds and smells grew much stronger making her increase her pace a bit. A thud of a body hitting something reached her ears and it was then that she finally caught an edge of an image of whomever this was.

They were hunched over, and the sobs were loud now, her footsteps slowing as she knelt down next to them. It was then that she finally got an image of the face. She startled and worry instantly creased her entire form, "Seamus? By God boy I was so worried about you! What is ailing you? Should I take you to the infirmary?" She asked, an arm tentatively touching his shoulder as she wished that she could see details better with her alkahestry. Dammit all! She did not care that he was soaking wet and thus could make her wet, he was clearly not in a good spot and that is what concerned her most.

Seamus had never been religious in his life. Sure his mother had taken him to church a few times but he hadn't gone as much as she had....he didn't really believe. He had often heard her prayer confession after his step father had spent his wrath on him while she watched helplessly.

Shaking violently with sobbed breathes and shaky lips the words he had heard so often tumbled from his tongue almost as if it was not his own.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned....." He sobbed clutching his chest as it ached. His heart rate pulsing and beating in an odd rhythm as it tried to control the new circles on his heart. He could hear Rosaleen now at his side but his body numb from the rain he had no clue if she was touching him or not.

"O my God...I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell..." He sobbed coughing violently his lung rattling and his frame convulsing on the words. "But most of all because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love...." He horsed out the words rushed and feeble his voice straining as he struggled against the on setting fever.

"I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life." For a moment he remembered a time where he would stand in the bedroom door of his mothers room. His step father gone leaving nothing but a trail of bruises and tears and he would see her knelt at the bed hands clasped together pressed to her brow as she prayed...tears streaming down her face. Barely keeping herself together as she begged for forgiveness. And now he did the same.


His chest suddenly tightened and he gasped crying out in pain as he was sure he would die. His lungs burnt and the red hot coppery blood passed his lips with a violent heave. And then it stilled. A soft smile gracing his lips as the onset of warm unconsciousness pulled him forward. Letting him fall gently against Rosaleen panting softly as he battled the on setting fever.

Amen....