Much Ado About Family

Rose did her best to keep the heels of her boots quiet through the spacious library as she sifted through the periodical and research sections of the library. She had the place virtually to herself so late in the evening when even the most diligent intern was making for the doors. It helped that the plush carpet rugs softened her heavy footfalls, but she was always conscious of noise—as was anyone reverent of a well-endowed library. She'd been in Central for a few days now, and according to the mutterings and whispers and news reports everyone was in too much of a tizzy about the new outbreaks of war or urgent missions to worry about reassigning two errant officers for the time being. But she'd rather not spend the days in Brighton's dour company, so she had pressed herself to absorbing current events of the past year from the library archives as well as research her keen interest in automail construction. She certainly had enough practical need of such knowledge. While the legs she had procured for Aaron had been high quality, they were not top of technology and she was soaking in all the mechanical manuals like a sponge.

She found the large volume she wanted—she eschewed digital readers because they were hell on her eyes—and made her way back to the small table she'd occupied. It was strewn with copious notes and diagram sketches she'd already made. She felt, privately, that perhaps being an automail mechanic mightn't be a bad fall back plan. It did pay well, as her Da had proven. She sighed softly to herself as she sat down with the book. She hadn't thought of her father in years. She didn't blame him for slinking away—she wasn't exactly the submissive traveler girl that traveler parents were proud to have. Not to mention that he hadn't taken her mother's decline well and resented being tethered to one place, even if he did love her and was the dutiful husband. She'd started wondering where all her many cousins were now, if her dad was with them. She supposed her gran was dead by now as she had been fairly well on in years by the time Rose was born. Then, Rose shook her head dismissively to dispel such useless thinking.

She blamed Brighton—both of them—for such resurgence of emotion. Seeing them reunited, even if Aaron was his usual cold self, had given her a secret pang. So much so that she'd excused herself from that meeting on the grounds that there was time in hand to discuss assignment. 'Maybe that's how Da, felt...He'd seen me brought to a decent enough life, and felt superfluous? Ha..Probably.' She chuckled at herself and resumed reading in solitude. She wasn't about to go back to the hotel where Aaron would sit and scowl or have another row with him for her choices. She'd just hang here till dark then go scrounge food somewhere.

The Central City Library was a thing of beauty, even after its third rebuilding in a little less than a century, and while Central HQ's library was nowhere near as vast, it still held more than enough reading material to keep a book-lover happy. Some of the oldest and forgotten archives that had been crated in Central City's main library's vast cellar had been spared the destruction, giving Shula a chance to go through them, and over the months more and more books were added, borrowed and copied to the country's main library. Now that she was spending more time in Central, Shula never wasted a chance to see what was new that could be useful enough to help extend the warranty on her life. She and Spade had come up with a good plan to try and save her life, but they both knew her reasearch for the secrets to human transmutation were nearly perfected, and until they were ready to risk it all and make a move, Shula needed to stall. And the best way to stall was to poke through the library as it updated their shelves for anything that might be useful, even if it was a dead end. Anything to look very productive and keep from finding the last things she needed to know about the horrible stone wanted by her dark master.

Shula had never been good at coping with sudden, drastic changes well; growing up they were things that were feared to put strain on her weakened state, and as an adult they were things that just ate at her and kept her from sleeping and eating. As soon as she'd come to South on that train with Spade while it was still a dust bowl dotted with small camps, Shula had started looking for her brother, desptite repeatedly being told by West that they didn't know where he was and that his tags hadn't shown up anywhere in the system. Listed as missing lastede for months beofre it was moved to presumed dead, Shula fighting it every step of the way. Even after her own family had accepted it, It wasn't until the Chancellor's party in the gardens and the lighting ceremony that Shula finally had no other choice but to let go and learn to move past it slowly. She wasn't embarrassed or surprised she'd fainted; wouldn't most people? She'd gotten used to seeing the faces of the dead when she closed her eyes and thinking she saw Aaron in the faces of strangers passing and the corners of her vision when she was around town. Finally having it be true for once had briefly unraveled her.

Her steps were quiet through the library, waving to the desk librarian as she passed through and started to explore, knowing where she was going and what would be new if anything had been added. She was beyond happy that Aaron had been brought back from the dead to her, but something scared her: the truth. Shula knew she'd been hiding a lot from her family, the military, and the Chancellor over the last several months. But Aaron had always been one of those people Shula could never hide things from, and that... scared her. Her secrets were dangerous, and as it stood, there was only a one in four chance in all this that her life wasn't forfeit, and confessing everything to Spade put him in just as much danger. Knowing that she would never be able to hide from Aaron's peircing gaze and how well he knew her meant that she needed to work that much harder to not have anything that might kill them to hide from him. Determination burning under her and her uniform's coat tied around her waist, Shula cruised through the research archives -a perk of finally having a rank that gave her unquestioned access- and skimmed the books. Most of the ones brought in had been the annotations and transcribed footnotes of other alchemists and covering a broad range of the very mundane. But there had been a few that were potential gems, hiding in the thickly-coded notes and older books donated from private libraries. Anything that looked promising was fair game; anything that could stall her from actually finishing the horrible research was golden.

Thin brown fingers settled on a "new" arrival, a dingy khaki-coloured canvas hardback with browning pages. The Bride's Reception: Being A Short Cabalistic Treatise On The Nature And Use Of The Tree Of Life. was a title Shula had heard of before referenced by other books, but finally finding a copy of it was soemthing of a treat. It promised to be fascinating, regardless, but given the nature of what she knew the book hinted at in reference, there was a good chance it would bring her closer to her research's end and her own than she'd have liked. Shula walked out of the private archives room, book in hand, and quietly made her way to the tables to start taking notes. It was pretty empty in the library today, which was great; meant nobody would come looking for her. Spade knew exactly where she was, so no worry there, and South was in good hands with Lisbeth for a few days while Shula took a few needed days to see to her brother and help break the news to their family. But right now, Shula needed to think and put her head back together before she could be ready for the onslaught that was their family and trying to put them back together. With a soft sigh, Shula took a seat at the large table and reached for a notepad, but as she moved to take a pen she looked up and was rather surprised to see the woman who had been with Aaron here as well. A soft smile graced her lips, Shula rather happy to see Rose, more than grateful to her for bringing back the dead. "Ms. Connel," Shula whispered warmly. "What a pleasant surprise to see you here. How are you?"

Rose made only the barest of civil grunts as she continued her reading without so much as looking up to acknowledge, much less notice, who was trying to interrupt her studies. Her right hand was rapidly sketching out diagram details of a complicated plan for an automail knee joint that she figured would add that much more speed to the ones she'd equipped Brighton with. That moron was too rough on her equipment in the best of times. He was probably already abusing it by stamping holes through their hotel room floor in his frustration with her. The thought caused her a brief malicious grin, till she realized her thoughts were being wasted on him again. She savagely suppressed that thought and focused on the technical jargon her brown eyes were devouring. The joints in automail really were the most complex pieces and tricky to tune up to proficient usage.

She did pause long enough in her drawing to flex her hand, which caused all the tendons in it to snap and crackle like breakfast cereal, and then she rotated her wrist to repeat the effect and shook the hand till it felt limber again. It was only then that she noticed a shadow in front of her. Connel sat up, cracking her spine in the doing to look up at the tan face of the sister to all her woes. She cocked an eyebrow at the girl, staring blandly over the rims of her glasses as she spoke in an almost amused voice.

"No need t'whisper, girl. No one else is here." But despite the light chiding, Rose did keep her voice muted to just below a normal level. But, then, she had little occasion these days to not be yelling or growling or a combination of the two so she found herself having to actively modulate her vocal volume. She sat back in her chair, a pose that wasn't quite relaxed given her present company and although her grin was affable enough, the expression didn't register in her brown eyes--which looked to bore holes through Shula, as if sizing up her threat level and making private estimations. She was also aware that Shula was her superior, which seemed awkward given the age difference, but Rose supposed she'd have been much higher on the ladder if she'd been a good doggie. But there was something about Shula that reminded Rose of Aaron. It wasn't just their filial resemblance, but, rather, the sense of tenacity that seemed to lurk in those deep red eyes. This notion made her doubly wary of Shula, though she kept that thought firmly to the back of the evidence locker of her mind.

"Ah. Can't complain. Catchin' up on some reading. What brings you to the bowels of the reference section this time a'day? I figured you'd have better things to do than waste an evening here."

Dard brown eyes almost looked through Shula, looking for something and trying to read into her, even though Shula wasn't sure what Rose could be trying to find. The trouble in that was that Shula knew she wasn't a safe thing to try and read or look into. She doubted Rose had any interest in what the tiny General was actually up to, but still. It was something that weighed on the little Ishvallan and that she worked even harder to protect since January. "No need t'whisper, girl. No one else is here." shu looked around the library, and Rose was quite right; apart from the woman at the desk by the door, they were the only ones in here. Guess everyone else had something better to do on a Friday evening. Letting out a soft laugh, Shula gave an almost sheepish smile.

"Force of habit I guess," she said gently. The pen clicked and thin fingers optned the book she'd found. It would probably be leaving with her (another perk of her rank and access), but getting a jump start on trying to pick apart the coded notes of the author would only help her in the end, one way or another. The downside to this, of course, was the knot in her stomach that came with knowing that she would be finished soon, and once she was finished it was a countdown to what could very well be the end of her life with no more chances to try and get around it. Worn pages yellowed with age turned carefully. The font was an old typeset, and the preface and introduction were all in Amestrian with nothing obviously coded... which meant she'd have to read between the lines. But skimming a few pages in told shula a few very important things: that the book was more heavily-coded than she'd thought, large chunks in Amestrian followed by large and larger ones in formulaic gibberish; and that someone before her had set to their own research with this book, neat penmanship from some long-ago pencil dotting even more coded notes all over the pages. Which meant Shula had to decode the notes of two alchemists... this was a double prize in her cereal that came with the side-effect of a massive headache.

"Ah. Can't complain. Catchin' up on some reading. What brings you to the bowels of the reference section this time a'day? I figured you'd have better things to do than waste an evening here." The small smile on her lips didn't leave, even as Shula only glanced up from the book that promised to be the bane of her remaining existance. 'Cheating death,' while correct, wasn't a great answer. And despite Rose's attitude being surprisingly casual, Shula knew better than to relax too much and let herself slip up. Still, the fact that Rose hadn't saluted, addressed her by her rank or even given any sign as seeing Shula for her rank was rather refreshing. Maybe it was because Rose hadn't been around for the last several months to know or care, or maybe that was her nature. But even at her own base so many ignored her request to not call her General or salute her, so not having to tell someone to drop the formalities was a welcome change of pace.

But there were several reasons to be here. The question was which answer was acceptable? Researching forbidden knowledge was definitely out, even if that was the truth. And waiting for General Aeries to finish up for the day so they could go home probably wasn't an answer Rose had any interest in, even if that was also the truth. "I love libraries, so it's not really wasting time. A little daily research goes a long way." Shu looked up again, her smile still warm and hiding all taces of the fear that ate her inside. "Some of these old books are ones this library never had before. Even though they're outdated, some of them have pretty valuable tactics and things I can try to put to use at South. What about you?"

"Mm. It seemed to Rose that Shula was rather fidgety. Anxiety? That seemed a trait at variance with all the stories Aaron had filled her ears with of a confident, if shy, young girl. Shula seemed to smile too readily, a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes in agreement. Ah, but wait, she has a terminal illness..."I guess that'd make anyone a touch antsy, knowing the clock was always tickin' down on you." Rose shifted her gaze back to her book, not quite relaxing in the Other Brighton's presence.

"They do seem to have a more comprehensive and updated mechanics section. Good for me, I s'pose. Mind if I ask what yer studyin'?" She was only making small talk, really. She didn't care what Shula was researching. She probably would have found the girl pleasant company if her pleasantry didn't seem so strained. But, then, Rose wasn't exactly used to pleasantries from anyone, her roommate included. If she had to be truly honest with herself, Shula's presence was arousing some perverse feeling of envy. The siblings were reunited and could attempt to patch their damaged family. Rose's remaining family was scattered to the four winds now--a traveler with no clan to call her own. The only family she had claim to was dead and buried in West and the rest were memories. Fond ones, she supposed, and well enough most days. But when she left here, for re-stationing or elsewhere, what would she have then? Another small flat, some plants, maybe--if she was lucky--one of those fancy digital readers so that she wouldn't lose her personal library again? It had been enough for her before. Before the desert. Before Fate. Aaron was stupid not to realize how lucky he was to have had someone to grieve his loss and absence.

She blinked and gave her head an imperceptible shake to try and dislodge such melancholic thoughts. They wouldn't do her any good in researching her potential new future.

There was an inward, sighing feeling that Shula couldn't deny being there, as much as her smile tried to state otherwise; the feeling could most closely be described as a bird trapped in the bottom of an hourglass as it filled with sand. She could see the outside, and where the sand was coming from, but didn't know if flapping harder would be enough to tip it and break it to free her or just speed her to a panicking death. It wasn't something she or Spade brought up to each other much, both hating the terrified, helpless feelings and the vehement anger that came from knowing. There had to be an out, they both knew, but right now.... it was just waiting, and waiting was a slow torture all its own as every day Shula came closer and closer to the end of her research.

Deep rust glanced down at the open book and its ancient, yellowing pages and the neatly-written marks littering the void around the text. Questions and answers were blurred together in code and no particular order, shula only skimming over the footnotes. Really, a large part of her wanted to go put the book back, or better, take it home and hide it so nobody else would make use of the secrets that were best left alone. But she knew better. She knew she couldn't just stop and risk suddenly losing her usefulness. A happy life with her family- Spade to be part of her family. So much of their family was dead and gone after south's destruction; apart from their mother's family in the settlements, their father and grandfather were all that was left of the Brighton line. She wanted to be able to enjoy them all in the same room, or at least all of tem that would do so willingly. Shula really wanted to see if Spade and her beloved brother could be friends on some level. But that was a hard thing to do when she herself had been pushing her family away, shying away from them and making up reasons to not see them. Shula was afraid. She was afraid to let her guard down and get them involved, afraid they'd find out about what she was doing and push her away in shame, or even disapprove of Spade so much that she wouldn't be forgiven for agreeing to marriage without their consent that she'd be pushed away forever.

'What if' were two of the biggest and scariest words when put together in the same breath since they opened up so many doors to questions with answers people generally didn't want to know. "They do seem to have a more comprehensive and updated mechanics section. Good for me, I s'pose. Mind if I ask what yer studyin'?" ...And what if the woman who saved your brother's life and brought him back from the dead to you wanted to know what the book you had open was about when even you weren't totally sure yoruself? This book wasn't about tactics or anything she as a General could bring to the table at South to make her base better-defended or well-prepared. From what Shula knew, it was about the world. Or rather, the worlds. It was about Truth, the Gate, and the places between and beyond; it was one man's insight to the great web that made up the whole of life. Supposedly, anyway.

Shula's eyes remained downcast at her book, her voice lowering despite the emptiness of the library. "Something a bit more existential than battle planning," she admitted with a soft sigh. It was plain to see at a glance the book was alchemically-related, the notes and formulae throughout it alluding to something much higher than the transmogrification of base elements and their transient states. Her mask and posture relaxed a bit more, revealing how tired and rather sad Shula's bright smile had become as she looked up. "This was a lucky find. But from what I understand it talks about the different planes of existence and how to connect to each of them in one way or another." Probably more of an answer than Aaron's friend wanted or cared for, but something about forcing a laugh, lying and trying to cover what she was reading up to the person to whom she owed so much felt beyond wrong. And as long as she didn't give her too much information about the how and why of it all, then no harm no foul, right?

"Hmm.." Rose looked up from her work, and her own bitter thoughts, long enough to take note of the girl's change in posture and demeanor. She was expert enough at the act to know Shula's bright cheerfulness was feigned. 'Tch...These kids're cut from the same bloody cloth.' She propped her chin on her fair-skinned fist and arched an eyebrow cynically. "Existential, huh?" She flicked a glance toward the aged yellowing pages of Shula's book.

It wasn't a book she recalled seeing anywhere before, and Rose had quite an extensive mental library. In her early days in Central she used to sneak into the restricted sections to devour all the secret books with her eyes. Even so, this one must also be a new find to the library. She knew of rumors and legends that overlapped existential beliefs and theories. She knew enough that she knew it wasn't something she would, nor should, try delving deeper into. So, Aaron's sister was dabbling in forbidden secrets, eh? Well, she supposed there was no help for it. If a dying person was desperate enough, loved life enough, they'd do what they could to stall the inevitable. Even in traveler circles there were rumors that circulated from land to land of various such tales--always cautionary.

"That does sound interestin' enough." Her tone remained bland as she turned her steely gaze back to meet Shula's eyes. "Though I've never been one to believe people ought to be traipsin' around in fields of flowers no man's ever set foot in. S'a good way to get yourself lost, goin' too far from the path. And anyway..." Rose cleared her throat and shifted her eyes back down to her diagram and put her hand back to work, keeping a neutral tone and expression on her face. "No salvation ever came from a book. And a book won't wash blood from your hands."

Privately Rose wondered if this sort of abandon was genetic. It certainly seemed to be a Brighton family trait to be so tenacious as to be totally lost to common good sense. She wondered what it was about the two that they didn't just suck it up, stop throwing up vain walls, and just...try to live. To live for however long it may be, rather than chase ghosts and glimmers. For all of her bitterness, at least Rose found herself able to still enjoy smaller pleasures, like the smell of the book beneath her hands or the garden outside. She even found perverse pleasure in provoking her surly roommate. No, no matter how angry or hurt or unjustly treated one is by life, it's still better to just live and play the hand you've got till there's no more cards left. Shula'd do much better to spend it connecting or reconnecting with people she cared about. Rose could do the same, too, if she'd a mind. She knew where some cousins might be. Might be good for her at that. Still, it was no place of hers to be telling Shula, rank not withstanding, how to spend the remainder of her life. She supposed the girl would do whatever she damn well pleased anyway.

The truth was always such an uncomfortable thing, and yet no matter how well over the years Shula had tried to hide it or run from it, it never was far behind, no matter what that truth had been. Long before she'd moved past the rank of Major, Acra's butler had figured out that Shula was in trouble when he'd chanced upon her staggering amount of medical expenses that she tried to manage on her own, her brother's generous contributions to her well-being put into savings in hopes of one day using it all to do something nice for Aaron whenever he got around to having a family of his own. Even though she was careful to try and cover her tracks, Acra was picking up that something was amiss as there were just days she was too sick to come in and days she was off that she just had any reason under the sun to not go have dinner and drinks. Hell, even Spade was catching on that something was amiss with her, even though she wasn't directly working for him and just helped his office to make life easier. "Hide it better." Even when the tear-stained truth was staring them all in the face, hugging them in preparation to die and then run to Aerugo to sell her soul, it had been right there. The truth was heavy and constantly changing as things became deeper and more was at stake, but it was there, right there hanging from Shula's soul like overripe fruit about to drop.

Her eyes lingered at the words printed on the aged book, seeing them and through them, no longer soaking up their hidden potential as guilt and understanding choked her. Rose's tone remained placid enough, her gaze disinterested almost, but her choice of words... "That does sound interestin' enough. Though I've never been one to believe people ought to be traipsin' around in fields of flowers no man's ever set foot in. S'a good way to get yourself lost, goin' too far from the path. And anyway..." The way Rose could look through her almost felt inescapable, the honed strength shining through. Even as Rose looked back down, Shula could still feel Rose's eyes cutting through the outer layers and straight into the core of the girl. "No salvation ever came from a book. And a book won't wash blood from your hands."

Shula's heart sped up and slowed down all at once, her stomach almost bottoming out as he blood ran colder. Oh god, there was the truth again. Harsh, ugly, unforgiving, and undenyable. Shula's hands were tied. Even if she completed the human transmutation research for Raistlin, what then? She did it now to try and save South City from being wiped off the earth once more, but who was to say that he wouldn't use it just to eliminate Amestris as a whole? Wasn't it her job to make the choice to sacrifice the few to save the many? But hadn't she done that already in Todtnauberg as six hundred innocent people died to cover the secret of her being there and nearly murdered for the country to watch on Youtube and the evening news? She'd been rescued and restored by the devil that owned her, every last person in that village executed to cover his own tracks and to warn the Amestrian General that she was only free when Raistlin said so. But Rose was very right in that even if she found the last pieces and bartered for her own freedom with it, it would never wash away or dismiss the murders of all those people; she was the only living Amestrian witness, and knowing she lived every day and tried to cover it up and swallow it down just made her feel more sick.

Part of her very much wanted to confess everything to the Chancellor in private, just to get it off her chest, even though she knew it would warrant her execution. But fair was fair and she knew the laws, and of anyone, she'd rather the Chancellor kill her himself then wait for it to become some huge public affair that just ruined everyone she was associated with. Spade knew it was eating her, too, but that she'd keep it quiet as long as she could. Shula sat quiet, all masks and facades dropping as it became rather obvious that Rose saw right through them anyway. "I know," she replied quietly, almost whispering, genuine pain lacing her voice. "Nothing ever will." So much was at stake, and she was in danger from things so much bigger than Shula could ever hope to be or even really save herself from. But until the end she saw was inevitable came for her, she was stuck, terrified and uncertain about how to even reach out for fear of ruining what was left. She sighed, still unable to look up. "I honestly wish I knew what the right ting to do was that would absolve me in the slightest, Ms. Connel. I think right now I'm so lost that it'd take the world's best private eye to find me again, and even then.... Aaron is finally home and there, and I'm too terrified to let him see what's become of me on my own."