I Hate Doctors

It was a normal, peaceful morning in the North City hospital that was teeming with injured soldiers from Fort Briggs and various other peoples of both Amestris and Creta. Nurses were walking down the hall with their reports, discussing patients with doctors while others tended to their work. The smell of disinfectant lingered in the background as janitors wheeled about to empty out trashcans and clean the floors, glancing past the various rooms. Hospitals were always such quiet places with a constant hum of voices and the occasional rushing gurney along with beeping adding a staccato here and there.

"Please miss, you have to calm-"

There was a resounding crash of something being thrown against the wall, the sound echoing out of the small hospital room, the peace of the hospital shattered quite completely. "IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME WITH THAT GODDAMN SHIT AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-" Another crash followed as more nurses ran into the room, big burly men who clearly weren't there to mess around.

"If you keep struggling, we'll have to sedate you!"

Thrashing against the hands that held her down, Alisa Donnikova was less than thrilled at her current predicament. First of all, she was in those goddamn open backed, itchy, torture worthy hospital gowns. She'd rather be naked than have to wear it! Second of all, they couldn't find her goddamn veins for the goddamn IV and so they kept stabbing her with that fucking needle. Why the hell did her mother have to have such fucking TINY ASS VEINS?! FUCK! And third of all, SHE WAS IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL! She hated these places more than any other, even more than Drachma and that was saying something. The well-to-do hoidy toidy doctors who think they are so fucking smart and sooo much better than her because they had a good education. The nurses who either looked down their noses at her too, or were never fucking around to answer her pages. The fucking smell of chemicals and sick people and, and, and CLEANNESS. The smell of death wasn't even strong enough to calm her down any! Offer any sort of comfort or reassurance for her! You could get sick in these places with weird diseases that were hard to cure! If there were a zombie apocalypse, you wouldn't head here first, that'd be a deathtrap! She didn't care in the least bit that it was a place of healing, she hated hospitals with a burning passion. AND THEY HAD TAKEN AWAY HER GUNS.

Roaring in pain, they now had straps to tie her down, snarling as she kicked with her uninjured leg. "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME YOU COCK-SUCKING CUNT NUGGETS! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING WHORES!" One of her arms broke free and she decked the one guy that loomed over him, sending him crashing into a stool or something. Heads were beginning to peek into the mayhem that was her hospital room before quickly moving past, not wanting to get anywhere near that crazy lady who couldn't be held down. "Miss, I'll say it one more time, you have to calm down. I know this hurts but-"

Alisa's eyes seemed to somehow light up more to that, focusing entirely upon the woman that stood there with the IV over her as the bindings were beginning to win over her efforts. God-fucking-shit-for-brains-fuckers-ASS! Her mouth twisted as she glared pure death at the poor nurse, all the air and sound seeming to go still as it almost seemed like shadows were gathering around Alisa in her rage. "You know it hurts? Shut your fucking lying mouth, I bet you haven't had to get pricked by anything except your boss you shithead. What, you hoping to get some points from the boss? Play doctor all the goddamn time hm? Don't kid me bitch." She snapped, venom dripping from her words as she tugged at the bindings around her wrists and legs. OW FUCK. Growling, the man was struggling with her good leg, getting a swift kick in his gut before more descended. With a shriek of pain and fury, the nurse stabbed the IV in her hand and stormed out of the room with tears on her cheeks, at least managing to get it right this time. Alisa was still fucking pissed though. She was bound, how could she not be?

Seething there in her bed, she sighed heavily in frustration, glaring up at the ceiling as people filed out of the room now that she was bound down. It had gone rather quiet after her outburst, only the sound of her heart machine giving its annoying beep. The beeps... are so annoying... Haha... hahahaha.... Cue crazed laughter. ARGH COULD SOMEBODY JUST FUCKING SHUT IT OFF SHIT! It was beeping at a faster rate considering how her fury had increased her heart rate, going limp as she knew it was useless at this point to try to break free. She couldn't use her one arm or leg, what the fuck could she do? Siiiiiigh... When could she get out of this shithole? Though, where would she go? Spade drifted up into her mind as her anger simmered away from the surface to return to its pot within her soul, retreating for the moment. Would she stay with him at Central or wherever he would be? Closing her eyes, she suddenly felt rather tired but not in the sleepy sense. Would he even want her with him considering how topsy-turvy they were with each other? Love made people idiots... They were no exception. Couple of хам as her people would say. Fucking bullshit.... Yeah... Yeah, she'd probably stay with him for a while till they were both fully healed, figure out what she'd do. It wasn't like she was experienced at this relationshit. Hope he had enough patience to deal with that being the playboy he was. How he managed to put up with her at all, much less love her was something of a mystery. Closing her eyes with another heavy sigh, she tried to find some happy corner of her mind and focus on that, trying to ignore the environment she found herself that she hated so passionately.

He...he was dreaming about ramen. He was a famous ramen chef and there were customers lined out to the street waiting to taste his magnificent art! Spade was a lucid dreamer so he was well aware of the fact that the entire misty illustration of his brilliance wasn't in fact real at all, which fucking sucked. However, he much preferred the false reality over the actual one. At least right now. Give him a break for god's sake. Because trust me, he was about to bang down the creator's glowing doors of truth, march in, and flip him the bird without holding back. Even the sweet stench of ramen and the giant glass of sapporo couldn't allow him to forget what he had just come out of. Who...hadn't cried? How many people died for their loss? They lost. They lost they lost they lost! And he was lying here sleeping like a lazy good for nothing bum. God dammit. He sneered in his dream, taking a swing of the fizzy beer and elating in the burn his stomach swooned at. It was a good dream, but it wasn't strong enough to keep memories at bay. Through the steady buzz of chatter, his customers were all happy, his hands were working, his lips were slurping, tasting, confirming, but... his mind wasn't resting. No, he couldn't shut it off. He tried. Counting womanizer mobiles did nothing, but remind him that his car was still in an underground parking garage in Central. Ugh. He didn't want to go back to Central--return a failure. Spade rarely failed. He also rarely tried...or cared to try. Welp... couldn't do shit about it except sleep anyway. Build up, defend the border, and prepare again to take down RIOTE. It had been too soon to attack...the country was still in shambles. Spade's heart...was still in shambles. He felt the ache even asleep because he was sober. It was because he wasn't drunk that he felt it now. A man came up to him with a fake, pleasant smile, holding out his ramen bowl. "Another bowl!" Spade felt himself grin and wondered why, taking the empty thing and turning to--

"IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME WITH THAT GODDAMN SHIT AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-" Alisa. Spade snapped awake, finding himself somewhere he hadn't expected at all. Weren't they on the ship? He was half out of the bed already, grasping what looking like some sort of long, metal device that was somewhat pointy enough to use as a weapon. He had thought there was an enemy aboard attacking her... but they weren't even on the ship anymore. Shit man. He put the thing down that probably would have ended up maiming an innocent orderly that sounded like they were attempting (keyword) to work on Ali. He settled back on the rock--bed and huffed. The wires digging into him in various places were now a tangled mess. Pain in the ass. He glared to the side and was about to tear them out and rush to his princesses rescue when a doctor flew the coop.

"I see you're awake, Spade Aeries, correct?"

A nod.

"Your body is in no shape to be moving around. I ask that you...how did you get your IV chord wrapped around you like that...?"

"I think I thought it was ramen... Hey Doc' what day is it?"

"You've been asleep for 48 hours since you came in. It's the 19th."

"Oh shit." Spade fought through the shock and yanked out the needles in one fell swoop, descending to the cold floor and past the doctor before the words exited his lips.

"WAIT!"

Fucking wait my ass. He burst into the room across the hall, not even bothering to confirm whether or not it belonged to Alisa. It was hers. He could tell from the stream of nurses flitting out of it in tears. He frowned and stumbled in, realizing just then that his entire left side was covered in bloodied bandages that they hadn't gotten around to changing yet. Good. They were tending to people who needed it more. It was better that way. His entire chest was bare save for a tight brace around his ribs that must have gotten more fucked up since Creta invaded. He was wearing long, black cotton dress pants that actually highly resembled a pair he used to have at home...back when home wasn't razed in a terrorist attack.

Spade smiled sweetly, approaching the bed where she was strapped. "Hey there, Alisa." His voice was weak, distant, raspy, and he was surprised by the sadness lingering around the edges. "How are you?"

Death, death, death, lunch... death, death, death, afternoon tea.... Cake or death... Booze or death. Heh, that sounded more like her cup of tea! Man... They weren't going to let her get any kind of booze anytime soon, were they? And she STILL hadn't gotten her fucking whiskey yet! FUCK! Thats it. When she was out of this shit, she was taking Spade to a bar, and getting fucking trashed. Screw propriety. Screw pain meds. She wanted her goddamn rum, her goddamn whiskey, and and and... her goddamn Cutlasses! Bastards. The whole lot of them. She almost wanted to call that terse nurse back in just so she could make her cry some more, or get her to remove the bindings. The sound of running feet slapping against the linoleum floors caught her attention as she fidgeted slightly against the bindings. Ok, ok, ok... Were they really fucking necessary? God whore shit... Her big fucking mouth always got her in goddamn trouble. Shit.... Looking up, Alisa raised an eyebrow as she saw Spade come bursting into her room with the bloody half of his body, her brows immediately furrowing at the sight. What the shit!!

"Hey there, Alisa." Even his voice sounded like shit! Gritting her teeth, her arms tensed against the straps that bound her to the bed, wanting to raise herself up so she could shout at him properly! How could he just come in her all casual as you fucking please with bloody bandages covering his left side as if it were nothing?!?! Though.... Her eyes looked from the bandages to his bare chest, darting up to meet his green gaze as he smiled so sweetly to her. Aw man... See, she couldn't stay mad when he smiled at her like that... And it just infuriated her more!!! "How are you?" Sighing heavily, she practically growled before all of her anger suddenly dissipated, looking towards the window at the far end of the room with a frown. "I'm really freakin peachy. I just love hospitals, don't you? God fucking dammit..." Sarcasm dripped like acid from her words, but her expression softened as she knew she wasn't really being fair to him in the least bit. He was injured too, and yet he had come over here to check on her.

Turning her brown gaze back to her.. love (still an alien concept to her), she tried to raise a hand, but it barely lifted from the bed before flopping back against the sheets. "Sorry... I really fucking hate hospitals... How are you? And why the hell did you run over here when you clearly need to stay in fucking bed! Are you trying to die? How come they didn't bind you down?" Her worry always came out in such rage, snapping at him before biting down on her tongue and forcing herself to grow quiet. She had to look away, her lips pursing and relaxing as she tried to find some way to reconcile the situation. She... She just couldn't be pleasant, could she? What the fuck did he see in her anyways? "....Thanks for checking on me..." She added in a softer voice, a blush reaching her cheeks as much as she hated that it did. Fuck, what a goddamn pussy she was now around him! Her shoulder wound began to grow red as her bandages grew closer to needing to be changed. No... No her thrashing certainly hadn't helped those at all... Fuck. Clearing her throat, she saw a doctor come running in after Spade, narrowing her eyes as he seemed about to reprimand him. He didn't get the chance to. "Oi, pin-head, leave him the fuck alone ok? Can't you see you're interrupting you asswipe?" Nope. She couldn't be sweet at all. What-the fuck-ever. If she had wanted to learn how to speak pretty, she would have listened to that bitch of a mother she had. Or paid more attention in school. Pfft. Fuck that. Pretty words never seemed to amount to much to her.

"Yeah, you'd think they'd serve vodka with breakfast, but apparently it doesn't go well with popping pills...sucks really." The guy cracked a smile and moved closer to brush stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "They didn't bind me down because I'm elusive like that." Wink. He shifted his weight to his other foot...for some reason standing was taking a bit out of him. He inched over to the bed and managed to find a small sliver of room to plant his ass. They both looked like wrecks and both basically belonged in bed like she said, but... staying in bed was a different story. As much as Spade loved beds, lying about in one all day was hell. It was just simply hell. And there was no way in hell that they were going to get him to deal with that shit. And especially having already dealt with enough shit in Drachma. Incepting King fucking Aurelius of RIOTE...what the fuck was wrong with him? Thinking of it now, he had no clue how the hell he had the balls to do that shit. Ugh. He made a struggled expression and massaged his temples, replaying the war's events in his head over and over again like a faded VHS. Pain in the fucking ass.

"You're welcome...I...how should I say this?" Spade scratched his head and let out a hefty sigh, giving up on his dusty Xingese and pulling at the straps that held her down. Easily, they gave way to his rough hands. It didn't feel right to look down on her like that...especially when... "Ali, I... want to tell you something...you probably have no idea. There--there's someone I can't let go of...in both the past and the present. It--it's eating me alive... What I did to you...it's unforgivable no matter how many times I apologize. The truth is, I erased your memory with alkahestry. I don't deserve your love--this whatever this is, I don't deserve anything. I ran away that day, Alisa... I can't deal with that. I want you to be happy and I'm not capable of making other people happy. I only bring misfortune and death...people suffer around me." He leaned down very quickly and with the same hand, lifted away her bangs to kiss her forehead. "Think about it. I'm not right for you; I can't always be there...I can die at any moment... It's--SHIT HE FOUND ME." Spade leaped off the bed and darted out the door, men in white coats chasing him all the way down the hall in front of Acra's room where he stopped short.

This wasn't Acra Schiwatas.

The man in this bed with part of his head shaved and a dozen tubes and wires attached all over his body couldn't have been him. There was a tube feeding air into his mouth, preventing that smile that could melt Shula's soul, and keeping him from saying something clever that he knew would make her laugh, even if it was just picking on her. His eyes were closed, and she couldn't see the bright, sparkling blue irises that reminded her of the lapis lazuli gem on the necklace he'd given her. Eyes that were so bright and warm and sat above the mouth that always twitched with a playful smirk, about to crack some joke to put the office in stitches. His skin was so pallid, devoid of the warmth that his cheeks held and always made them look so soft before. His hands... his scarred palms. Hands he'd burnt himself in order to save her life from thugs in an alley, and burnt badly fighting against Creta. Hands that would so often move to find her own small hands or wrap around her shoulders from behind. Hands that would play with her hair and caress her cheeks when he thought she was asleep. This unfortunate man was not Acra, the charming, brilliant, derpy goober. This was not the man who had taken Shula dancing to celebrate passing her exams, or got into the habit of cuddling her in bed after they'd both had too much to drink on her birthday.

Wagner had already popped Shula's left arm back into socket, and after a few x-rays it had been determined the only thing left to do for her arm was to let it rest in a sling for a few weeks. She'd been given some painkillers, but they had only caused a burning sensation in her body akin to heartburn as the alkahestric array within her attacked and stopped the invading chemicals. She would have to cope with her pain on her own without the assistance of medicine. Beyond needing the sling, a shower and some rest, Shula was fine, physically. But after what she'd seen? What she'd lost and been unable to help save? As far as the nurses could tell, no Aaron Brighton had crossed their rosters. He wasn't in the hospital. And from what she'd asked from other soldiers who had called to the West soldiers guarding North, there had been no Aaron Brighton since the night the bombs went off. Shula didn't know what to think of that, and in her frustration demanded they show her someone she could see, and asked for Acra, wherever that idiot was. That idiot had just gotten wheeled into a room and was not doing well. That idiot's head had been fractured in a few places and wasn't responsive.

This wasn't Acra Schiwatas.

The aftershock and numbness that had tried to set in on her earlier had immediately worn off, hot tears not wasting any time to fall down her cheeks as she was shown his room. She stood a long moment in disbelief as Shula simply looked at him. Pale, lifeless, and looking like he was attached to some squid monster made of tubes and wires. He was nothing like Acra. The nurse had taken her to the wrong room! Slowly her feet shuffled forward, Shula not knowing if she was breathing or not, no longer aware if anyone else was in the room with them or not. Her heart was screaming. This isn't Acra! IT ISN'T! Shula stepped beside the man in the bed, determined to prove that the nurse had been wrong, but then she saw it. The graduation ring with the pale green emerald on the little ball chain. The nurses had had to take off all jewelry when they'd undressed him to try and save him as best they could. That ring. That was hers.

Slowly Shula's right hand, now bare of gloves and alchemical bracelets, extended out to brush her fingertips against Acra's cheek. Skin touched skin as delicately as if she were touching a sand sculpture that might crumble at the faintest bit of pressure. Shula choked slightly on her muffled sob. Where was his warmth? Where was his light that she fed on? "Acra?" There had been some timy glimmer of hope that even though she'd been told he wasn't going to respond that maybe, just MAYBE, hearing her would bring him back to her. Shula stepped closer, giving his shoulder a small shake. "Acra.... Priya?" The choked noise came out pained, her eyeids aready beginning to grow puffy and swollen, her throat tightening. Her good arm raised up to wipe her face on her sleeve, even though that did nothing to lessen the tears from falling off her cheeks and dripping onto her own trembling body and the floor.

This wasn't Acra Schiwatas.

The nurses could bitch all they wanted. Shula didn't care. She outranked the lot of them. Slowly she moved Acra's right arm upward to make room and did the only thing she could think of to do: climbed into bed with him. Since her birhtday she'd become infintely more comfortable just snuggling with Acra, at first on the sofa, and then that night when he'd helped her to bed and he cuddled up behind her and stayed that way all night. His arm never moved from her waist. No kisses were pressed to her anywhere other than the top of her head and her hair. Shula scunched her body in, not caring that it hurt her as she moved. She pulled Acra's hand back over her shoulder where it belonged, her shoulder tucked under his arm, and her head moved down to rest against his chest. Acra's heartbeat... She could still hear it. Slow. Thready. Fading.

Nobody disturbed her as she lay there cuddled to Acra's chest in that hospital in the frozen wasteland of North. Nobody dared. The one person who had left as soon as he saw the look the tiny general gave him as she clung tighter to Acra. She didn't know how long she'd been there with him. A few minutes? A few hours? All night? All eternity? Shula didn't sleep at all, though, as her sobs finally ebbed to a slow stream, soaking Acra's chest and side through the night, doing nothing but snuggle the alchemist and listen to his waning heartbeat. All the things she'd hoped for, been secretly longing for... She'd never know how many of them he had wanted, too. Would Acra have finally kissed her as they came home? Would he have transferred to South to stay at her side? Shula curled into him tighter, clutching his shirt with her fingers from inside her sling.

Ba-thump. Beep.

She'd wanted so much to be his, and now was wondering why she'd wasted so much time. Was she just waiting for him to ask her first? Afraid to ruin their friendship? Afraid to love him and then realize they weren't right for each other?

Ba-thump. Beep.

Shula wondered how many times a person could survive loss. Could heartbreak be survived more than once? Wasn't that why Spade wouldn't get close to anyone again, because heartbreak hurt too much?

Ba-thump.Ba.... thump....thump......

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

"Maim tumhem yada ati hai, priya..."

Shula clenched tighter, burying her face into Acra's side and chest. There was no sound coming from her other than muffled sobs. The agonizing scream that ripped from her heart and threatened to pierce Heaven itself rose to her throat and died there, drowned under that horrible lingering note. People entered the room in slow motion. Shula shut her eyes tightly, struggling for a moment as she shook a nurse free who tried to pull her off from him. Finally the tiny woman was removed from the man. Bleary red eyes finally moved away from the body in the bed as she was escorted away hastily by nurses, unaware that something in Shula's soul had died with that noise.

There was no way for her to be aware of the gap between herself and the door as Shula was ushered away, the steps of the nurses much faster than her own and pushing her far out of the way. The world blurred around her. Sounds faded into a white haze. Shula took one step on her own. Two, then leaned her good shoulder heavily against the wall. Shula didn't feel herself slide down and hit the floor upon her third step. The white had vanished into a sudden, perfect black, and she welcomed it.

He had been standing in the doorway the entire time, watching, witnessing as a girl fell apart and the man he had entrusted with her died. His arm was jabbed into the metal of the door frame, jade eyes pressed through his elbow to see…a hospital bed with white sheets of guilt and just another ghost. It clamped invisible fingers around his heart, digging into his soul and leaving beads of blood to ooze from him into the freshly wound bandages. He was ignored—part of the background—a hurting man that just never fucking kicked the bucket himself. What was with this? It wasn’t fair. It…wasn’t fair. Why…why the fuck was the beeping getting softer? With each sob, he felt like he was falling down a flight of stairs. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying too. Shula didn’t seem to notice him either, but he was…there—standing there. He had finally found the Ishvallan only to also find Acra. The missing Acra who was recovered long after the ship landed at Fort Briggs. Wagner had carried him from the wreckage, dodging RIOTE watchmen all the way to the first Briggs outpost. Just the thought gave Spade chills as he hung there in the doorway, wishing he really could become part of the wallpaper. It seemed easier than existing right now.

The battle with his doctor left him victorious, but maybe…it would have been better to hang out in bed a little longer, relishing in the drugs and lack of reality. He would have missed these last moments… Spade had never really had such a vicious verbal battle with a physician until now because most of them knew him and was well aware of the fact that he really didn’t give a rat’s ass about his own life. ”Just let him go,” they would say. But this guy, god this guy, didn’t fucking let him go. What was he going to do? Jump out the window the moment they let him put on civilian clothes? Fuck that. He glanced down at the black suit he was wearing with a red dress shirt underneath, but quickly reverted back to the hole he was burning in Acra’s forehead some distance away. He was afraid not to look—afraid to stop hearing Shu’s sobs because then…then he knew it would be over. He didn’t want it to be over. Then he would have failed another one. How many more people had to die before he got it right?! How many more times would it take? He gnawed his lip, not caring that strands of curly brown hair somehow lodged themselves in his mouth. He tasted salt—sticky wiry salt that made his throat itch and his eyes water more. Acra. That was Acra there. Fuck. That was Acra. Spade cried. He was crying, and he was so fucking manly enough to admit it; right now, he was crying. Shu… What would happen to Shu? That…pain… he felt it wafting of her and into the very core of himself. Wait. Pause. He didn’t hear it. The beeping he didn’t—

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Fuck. He was on his knees and only accomplished two bruises in the dramatic act. It wasn’t going to bring Acra back. Fuck. FUCK. People rushed in as blurs, stepping around him as if he were really part of the scenery. There wasn’t a human sitting here on his knees… brought to his knees by such heavy misery…he couldn’t even describe it. They cared more about the machine, almost deafening now as it pierced his ears and made his head swim. Stop. Make it stop. Now. He’s not dead. He…FUCK. Spade kicked over a metal stand from his place on the floor, scattering various tools and other supplies. Shula was being escorted out, clinging to the last threads of Acra’s hospital gown. No, it wasn’t Acra anymore. He was gone—gone like Markus, like Josef, like Shirley… FUCK. Spade was on his feet, turned, and decked the wall for lack of direction. He hadn’t realized it was with the arm once cradled in a sling. He didn’t even feel the pain. The wall did, however. “AARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!” Spade screamed; he let it all out only after Shula was in the hallway. And then he proceeded to wreck most of the expensive machinery in the room. Looks. He was getting strange, horrified looks from the orderlies and the doctor he had just escaped from with the paperwork that allowed his freedom. “I-I’ll pay for it… so just…just let me…be…” CRASH. They inched out the door and stood fearfully looking in on the newly appointed Lieutenant General as he broke the entire room in hopes of repairing his broken soul.

[EXIT THREAD]

"Yeah, you'd think they'd serve vodka with breakfast, but apparently it doesn't go well with popping pills...sucks really." "Honest to fucking god." She sighed heavily and glanced up to him like a wary cat even though... she just... ARGH RELATIONSHIT! She wasn't going to get used to this, was she? She..She liked it when he brushed her hair aside, and it just.. Made her angry? What the fuck was wrong with her? "They didn't bind me down because I'm elusive like that." And then that wink. She found herself blushing and immediately looked away from him, clearing her throat as she tried to find something to cling to that was steady and not... bullshit that was her emotions. "Lucky. Better be careful though, they might catch up to you." She smirked and chuckled slightly to herself, managing to turn her head slowly, if not extremely hesitantly, back towards Spade, her brown eyes staring up at him.


This man... She felt her heart beat almost painfully as she looked over his face, to those beautiful green eyes (yes, she would actually use the word beautiful for once), and... So this was love. The fucking thing that had overcome whatever the fuck he had done to her. He was massaging his temples and seemed... disgruntled about something, her brows furrowing as she could feel herself worrying. But before she could ask him what was wrong, he spoke, "You're welcome...I...how should I say this?" "Take your time." She said softly, the gentleness in that statement surprising even her. Where was the rage that had always fueled her? Where the fuck did this... this... this tenderness come from?! Who the fuck had ever showed her how to act this way? WHAT THE FUCK. Her frustration didn't last long as he tugged her bindings off of her, making her smirk as she propped herself up more carefully, doing her best not to move her injured shoulder. God fuck it hurt.... "Ali, I... want to tell you something... Oh? What was he on about now? She held her tongue and allowed him to continue. "you probably have no idea. There--there's someone I can't let go of...in both the past and the present. It--it's eating me alive... What I did to you...it's unforgivable no matter how many times I apologize. The truth is, I erased your memory with alkahestry. I don't deserve your love--this whatever this is, I don't deserve anything. I ran away that day, Alisa... I can't deal with that. I want you to be happy and I'm not capable of making other people happy. I only bring misfortune and death...people suffer around me." So it was fucking alkahestry. God fucking dammit... But now... Now her rage was coming up again, growling slightly under her breath as she opened her mouth to explode, but he suddenly kissed her forehead and in that instant it was gone. What the-- HOW THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL DID HE DO THAT?! "Spade-" He wasn't listening. "Think about it. I'm not right for you; I can't always be there...I can die at any moment... It's--SHIT HE FOUND ME." What. The. Fuck.

And off he went like a shot, leaving her laying there in her bed, staring after him incredulously. What. The. Fuck!!!! Now her good hand clenched tightly to the point of shaking, her knuckles going white as she sat up, halfway between throwing the sheets off to give chase, and just staying there. "THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SPADE HUH?! YOU FUCKING RAN AGAIN YOU LIMP-DICKED WHORE!" She barked after him, not even sure why she was so.... upset. Someone he couldn't let go of eh? Past... and present... Alisa sat there staring at the sheets that covered her legs, her brows furrowing as the desire to drink only grew stronger and stronger. Shit, even a smoke would do. So who the fuck was this chick eh? A look of disdain crossed her features in the blink of an eye as that fucking mouse of a woman flashed across her mind. That Ishvallan. It was her, wasn't it? He had said they were just friends, but... Was that really all there was?

Man... this fucking sucked. Growling to herself, the mixed woman swung her legs off of the side of her bed, careful to set all of her weight down on her good leg before letting the other foot touch the ground. OW SON OF A- Rrrrgggh..... "Oi! Can I get a wheelchair?" She shouted, a nurse poking her head in with a look of utter loathing. Yea well go fuck yourself you bitch. Without a word, she handed Alisa a crutch and left, leaving her wanting to punch her in the cunt. Fucking.... Sighing heavily, she hobbled her way outside, ignoring anyone and everyone that tried to speak to her. Yea yea yea, blah blah blah SHUT THE FUCK UP! She somehow managed to miss Spade completely, arriving on the first floor in the snow with a few grumbles under her breath. So her boyfriend (easiest thing to call him at this point) was pretty much being a pussy. Oh she really knew how to fucking choose them. She could practically feel her father standing behind her as she stared out at the snow, wanting to whisper in her ear "I told you so." Fuck him, she'd... make this work. Somehow. Sorta. Maybe. FUCK. "Hey..." She spoke to a nearby smoking man, looking at him with a dead sort of calm. "Can I bum a smoke?" The man shrugged and gave her one, lighting her up as she breathed in deep. "Thanks." She muttered, exhaling away from him as she leaned on her crutch.

Fucking hospitals... Bad shit always happened at them. Fuck, she didn't even have her phone to text him what she had wanted to say. What a fuck up he was.... Not like she was any better. She would be a shitty ass girlfriend. Shit, let him have his fucking mousey bitch. She suited him better didn't she? He probably hated her strongheadedness. Oh sure, let them fucking buddy bond in their goddamn military, let them fucking get all cute like some romance couple in a fucking book. But.... She was worried about him. All he did was push her away, he wasn't even trying. He sounded so.... self-defeating. It kinda was pissing her off now that she thought about it. "Fuck." She muttered under her breath, smoking her cigarette out in the cold, not even feeling it as she stood there in those uncomfortable gowns, blood beginning to blossom on her left shoulder. No she'd speak her peace, and then see. She was jumping bases, and he was a fucking idiot. She'd talk to him whether she had to tie him down or not. Fuck but she was thinking a lot....