The Search for Sparklebutt

Once upon a time dreadful and dreary, there was a great mighty powerful man who was handsome no doubt, rugged, super smart and -- *SHOT* Going over this again, there was a Brigadier General, Nikolaus Stuka, in his bid to look for something he held as a case towards his determination about a missing cat called Sparklebutt. A near mythical figure of enigmatic nature and great manipulative prowess to be able to elude Nikolaus for so long, to be manipulating events in such a way that Sparklebutt cannot be found regardless of effort put into place. A true diabolical mastermind truly to be reckoned with, Nikolaus's Moriarty to his Sherlock Holmes of Cretan stories and detective renown. As far as it goes, Nikolaus had a hunch about where to find Sparklebutt after compiling a few scriptures and whatever clues he can gather (also known as the local net), to find it in this village, Domusderr.

As USUAL, he forces Sal along, his intrepid sidekick, to Domusderr. Not forced along, but rather took Sal along in the most eloquent of ways, which involves placing a sack over the head in the dead of night, placing Sal in a van whilst wearing a black mask, driving away, only to take Salazar out, pull him out, as Nikolaus unveiled his mask and took off Salazar's veiling sack. Revealing a walled village of smelly proportions. It has two torches at the entrance that being a wooden gate, and yet a lack of guards. Doesn't help it was midnight, and the van that took the both of them here was out of gas. The road back to Central City would've been quite dark, too dark, and rife with whatever woodland critters and predators that prey upon travelers at night.

Queue wolf howl at the moon from a distance.

"Why hello Salazar! Long time no see!" Nikolaus greeted jovially as he faced the Chimera, oddly quiet as he noticed that Salazar only had one life emanating from within, untying Salazar's roped hands as the threads were loosened to the ground, "You remember Sparklebutt? I knew you'd agree to help me no matter what, so I took the liberty of taking you along to this village, which happens to hate Chimeras and has the highest hate crimes of Chimeras around, but you know what? I think everything will be juuuust safe around here. Accidental death rates are high, and crime rates are down, see? All JUUUST safe. We just have to search around for Sparklebutt is all, I mean what's the worst that'll happen around here in these remote parts of Amestris?"

Sudden darkness surrounded Sal, who had no time to panic. He was tossed into some sort of means to contain him, and felt that he was soon put in motion. It was....a truck or a van of some sort, most likely. Oddly enough, this felt strangely familiar to the chimera. Not the being blinded and tossed into a truck part, but there was something about the situation that made it seem less threatening. Ruling out the big things, Sal decided it was the atmosphere. It wasn't a hostile atmosphere, but he felt that he had been brought along for a specific reason. After all, it wasn't as though just anybody would have kidnapped him in his sleep. Once the movement stopped, Sal took a deep breath and waited to find out what would happen next.

With a swift motion, whatever was blinding him was removed, revealing - most likely - the person who had done the kidnapping. Given whose face the small Ishvallan was now looking at, he no longer considered it kidnapping, but a surprise outing. Of course, now he had to wonder what the reason was. There was one thing that he could think of, and that was to find that cat that the two of them had been looking to find for so long. What was the name again? Ahh, that's right. Sal nodded as Nikolaus began to speak with a solemn expression. Being put into situations like this were fairly normal when Nikolaus Stuka was involved, so Sal didn't budge at the mention of accidental deaths and chimera hating.

"So...we just gotta find that Sparklebutt cat? That doesn't seem too bad..." Hopping out of the van, Sal looked around at the area. The village was walled, so getting in would take a bit of creativity, and it was in the dead of night. His drowsiness was beginning to wear off, so that was a good thing, at least. The cover of night would definitely help them get in without too much trouble, but the problem was knowing how tight the village's security was... "I don't think we can just walk in there, unless you really want to cause a scene and tear the whole place apart." Then again, he hadn't done anything like this in a while. He only had one life left, but despite this, he felt confident enough in his own abilities to make it out of this alive.

Looking at the torches, he tilted his head. "Maybe we could use those," he decided, pointing at them. He began to walk toward the village, but keeping out of sight of the entrance, noted the lack of guards. Frowning, he turned back to Stuka. "There aren't any guards...maybe there's something going on?" With playful bounce, he began to run toward the entrance to have a look inside. What did these walls hide that could possibly pose a threat to him?

Ah, how often this was done between Nikolaus and Sal to a point it has become a normal affair. Not the kidnapping, but the meeting. Or was it the kidnapping? One could never tell with these otherwise civil and eloquent affairs that borders the formal. Aye, such a gentlemanly man Nikolaus was, for years of experience molded him into the perfect polite host that brings his guests to the most hospitable places in the ass crack ends of the world.

"So...we just gotta find that Sparklebutt cat? That doesn't seem too bad..."

doesn't seem too bad...

"Ja Herr Salazar, we HAVE to find it. That case has been haunting me for a year because just what happened to that cat? I promised to protect the citizens of Amestris when I became a Security Officer, and that cat is a goddamn bona fida citizen of Amestris, it is just as Amestrian as me, and probably you... you are Amestrian right?" He pulls out a gun, and pulls back the slide, wasting a bullet that popped out as he gave a glare.

"I don't think we can just walk in there, unless you really want to cause a scene and tear the whole place apart."

"Hold on a moment... lemme do something subtle first." His voice trailed off for a while as Salazar hopped and spoke a few lines that went past Nikolaus and didn't arouse his attention to the Nekomata.

Moments passed as a roar resounded from a metallic hull, the engines roused into a raging quack that is typical of vans. The gears were revved up, and suddenly a large automaton vehicle thingy speeds towards the gates, horns barked at Salazar with the lights turned bright as it collided against the wooden frame of the village. A gate made by hard work destroyed by a simple smash with Nikolaus stepping out of the van, relatively unscathed, as he wore a seat belt. Odd that he didn't veer off or the like when he drove around.

Nikolaus walked away from the scene to go behind some opening between a house and the wall as villagers flood around the scene to find... Salazar instead of a Nikolaus besides him. Such a village had a few buildings from primitive method of building here and there, cobbled stones together with hay rooftops, it resembles more a Medieval village instead of a modern day one, complete with a lack of any apparent signs of electrical appliances. Lamps are used abundantly and men and women here are dirty, they wear stitched up clothing that is a mix of leather and cloth given the preciousness of resources here despite the option to opt for modernized conveniences merely by taking a trip.

"You... you... WHY'D YOU DESTROY OUR VILLAGE GATE?!!?" The village elder shrieked in horror at what Salazar (Nikolaus!) has done.

And another villager with a manly mustache looks at Salazar's ears, his ears adjusting after just having gotten out of the darkness. All the people are wearing a form of pyjamas, and had reddened eyes to have been awakened at such a night. This mustached village points at Salazar, "WAIT, this one has the ears of a beast! THIS CREATURE IS A MUTANT! THE IMPURE HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO ATTACK US!"

Suddenly, a chorus resounded to say, "DOWN WITH THE BEASTS!" It was chanted along with the mob suddenly rushing towards Salazar.

Poor Salazar (if Salazar has no money that is! Or did poor imply something else?)

The sudden roar of the van's engine startled Sal, who whipped his head around to see exactly what was going on. It seemed that this wasn't going to be very...sneaky, after all. Then again, he should have known better, considering that his partner in crime (for lack of a better term) was none other than Nikolaus Stuka. The Amestrian militant wasn't exactly known for doing things gracefully. He had his own way of being graceful that didn't quite align with the typical definition of the word.

Before the chimera could open his mouth, the vehicle sped up and came roaring towards the gate. Narrowly avoiding a collision, Sal shielded his face from any flying debris and only uncovered his eyes once the sound of the engine stopped. To his surprise (not really) Stuka had vanished from the scene of the crime, leaving Sal to be blamed for the chaos. Of course, it didn't take long for the village residents to show themselves and begin to whine about the destruction of the gate. Juuuust great.

"You... you... WHY'D YOU DESTROY OUR VILLAGE GATE?!!?"

"But I di-"

"WAIT, this one has the ears of a beast! THIS CREATURE IS A MUTANT! THE IMPURE HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO ATTACK US!"

"Wh-"

"DOWN WITH THE BEASTS! DOWN WITH THE BEASTS!" Oh, right. He'd almost forgotten the fact that they hated chimerae. With the mob surrounding and coming toward him, he had to think quickly. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to finish what they came here for...which was to find Sparklebutt. Perhaps he could find a way to get out of this mob AND get a lead on Sparklebutt's location.

"Uhhh.....STOP!! I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR SPARKLEBUTT!!" There was no guarantee that they'd humor him even if the cat WAS here, but it was worth a try. He was ready to escape through a small gap in the mob if plan A didn't work out. Then there was also the possibility that Stuka was still around somewhere to help out if things took a turn for the worst.

Meanwhile, Nikolaus saw that he had to act quickly. Already having changed to villager garbed as he wedged his clothing somewhere deep inside a house's anus acting as a crevice, he could pull off being a part of them. Throw in quickly putting on some horse hair on his face, wearing some pauper hat, and VOILA, Nikolaus looks like a legitimate villager. Combined with the musk and horrid atrocious smell that comes from their smelly villager garb.

Meanwhile back to Sal...

"IT IS LOOKING FOR THE DREAD ONE!" One of the villagers screamed out as he backs away, his face ridden with beads of sweat wetting him like a spanky poodle, as his shirt smelt worse than the elderberries of this village. Truly, a tragedy in the making in this village as he passed out from the stress of knowing the dread one being sought out. The villagers backed away, looking at Salazar as if he were an accursed filthy black sheep of great proportions.

"Village elder, what should we do with this one?" One villager asked to the other, and another interjects, "WE SHOULD BURN THE FREAK! ITS A WITCHSPAWN!" And then suddenly murmurs of agreement came despite the hesitation of killing Salazar came about in but a span moment ago.

But then, the wizened not-Niko person steps forth, bearded, blonde, and with his modest attire of great swag he steps in front of the crowd and turns, fingers pointing up, "HRMPH HRRM.... HRRRRMMM...." not-Nikolaus said, as the villagers open up their eyes and looked far more attentively at him. He stroked his very very real and not spurred the last second beard with great contemplative focus.

"Wiseman Sualokin, what should we do with this one? Your answer has led this village to prosperity for many eons, you should know better! For it is you who has convinced the village that Chimeras are the root cause of problems, and so is technology that makes us complacent." The Elder beseeched the wiseman.

The blonde glared at Salazar with Aryan blue eyes that hawkishly measured him up as if he didn't know him, that was after he turned around to face Salazar, and then turned back to the villager, "We should kill the FOUL WENCH!" He says, and all of them shouted agreements, "By testing if it is innocent or not! I say we boil hot oil on him, if he survives, he is guilty! If he dies, then he is innocent!" He cackled, it seemed as if Salazar was really gonna die for real.

...

......

.........

"But that is ONLY if he fails the FIRST test of innocence! It must find the Dread One before dusk! Or else he is GUILTY... in the FIRST TEST. I will accompany this unworthy foul wretch to the Dread One and if he fails, I will PERSONALLY burn it to the stake!"

"Yeah! WAY TO GO WISEMAN! WE LOVE YOU! AAAAH!" Or so the chorus went in prostating admiration for the blond wiseman not-Niko.

He points to Salazar after turning around again, "YOU FOLLOW ME! You are the guiltiest party of them all! And it is my right as wiseman of this village to test your innocence. There is no certain Security Chief Director blond named Nikolaus Stuka, and might I add, very very handsome and stunningly ravish, to save you this time."

That said, he took a casual stroll out of the village from a smaller door that leads out and up to the mountains through a flock of crooked and almost dead trees. Gesturing for Salazar to catch up. Nikolaus kept his saber sword and his pistol on his person on this newly acquired garment's belt, attaching sheathe and holster alike.

"IT IS LOOKING FOR THE DREAD ONE!"

...The Dread One? Well, at least it was clear that Sparklebutt was known around these parts. Even if it was known under a name like "The Dread One". That much was certain. Whether he'd get any information on its whereabouts from these people was another story. Nonetheless, he was sure that he'd have to give it a shot. It seemed that he was at least safe from being decapitated or speared or something, since the mob seemed to back away from him. One guy even passed out. Sal could have sworn it was the same one that spoke just a second ago.

His sense of safety was short-lived as the mob decided that he was now a "witchspawn" and should die. That was rather unpleasant. Sal sighed and hung his head. Wait, it seemed he was saved once again! By..."Wiseman Sualokin."......Wait. Sal spelled it out and then went over it backwards. S-u-a-l-o-k-i-n. N-i-k-o-l-a-u-s. Oh, brother. Sal let his face fall into his hands as he realized exactly what was going on. It was no wonder that Stuka knew so much about this place - He'd been here before! Sal groaned and listened to the exchange between this so-called wiseman and the villagers. Oh, boy. With a low growl, Sal decided not to comment and instead followed "Sualokin" out of the village through the back way. It was obvious that things were going to be much more complicated now. Once they were out of sight and earshot of the villagers, who had taken up watching them through the gate, Sal turned to the man.

"Are you crazy," Sal spat, hands tensely held above his head, "Have you completely lost your mind? Do you even know where we're going? I really hope you do, otherwise I'm going to lose it." The look on his face far exceeded any other expressions he'd ever made in his life. Such was the rage present on the small, round face of Salazar Masu, the Pirate Captain of the crew currently residing in South City, Amestris. Luckily this was Nikolaus Stuka and not some random passerby, otherwise there would be hell to pay, and it would certainly not be pretty. Growling, Sal picked up the walking pace, breaking twigs and crushing any small animals that were so unfortunate as to be under his feet. His stomping was so bad, it caused an ache in his knees that he ignored out of pure anger. He stopped for a moment to look back at the man, then roared a bit and continued on his rage-driven stomping spree.

Ah, such great moments where appreciation is to be heartily accepted by his canine (or was it feline?) companion, Salazar. For Nikolaus swept in, placed the easiest trials of absolutely no burdens or any pressure in the world as to vest unto him a role of importance. Destined towards the climactic role of proving his innocence by looking for the nearly mythical and almost impossible to find Sparklebutt whom may or may not even be around these backwater woods of great depraved stupidity most outstanding. Salazar should be definitely grateful.

"Are you crazy? Have you completely lost your mind? Do you even know where we're going? I really hope you do, otherwise I'm going to lose it."

Or not.

The wise man Sualokin was taken aghast by this werecat's great fury at his benevolence. For what reasons did he partake in to which caused such great disobedience for SAVING HIS LIFE IN THE FIRST PLACE? It was a truly puzzling puzzle that left the man with the well placed beard on his face which is in no way fake confused as he took to taking steps behind the white haired Ishvallan.

"That is strike one! Disrespecting the man that saved your life and is the village wise man is the WORST OFFENSE one can do in this backwate-- completely advanced land around." The fuzzy faced Sual says with great pious re-assurance, warning the otherwise haughty Sal of the consequences, "AND OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING! I grew up in this village and am really not any Brigadier General in any Amestrian military, I am just a humble wiseman of the village."

That said, he trudged along with aimlessness behind the Chimera as hungry red orbs leered with great envy from the sides and crevices, corners and openings alike. Such perfect unison forming a corridor of predators keeping hungry gazes on the two figures, yet for whichever reasons that this sign of hostility was present, was a great death's intent within the wiseman as he could not help but give an unconscious grin, his mouth drooling as his senses were pushed to the utmost limit, his hand feeling the grooves of his sheathed saber attached to his belt.

"Keep on walking, heretical bobcat, we have a lot of searching to do for the DREAD ONE! Otherwise your innocence would not be proven and you'd be burnt to the stake for being a silvery devil of the mighty yawning chasms of Yggdrasil." The wise man Nik-- Sual threatened with great mighty temperaments.

Just when he thought things couldn't get more ridiculous, they did.

"That is strike one! Disrespecting the man that saved your life and is the village wise man is the WORST OFFENSE one can do in this backwate-- completely advanced land around. AND OF COURSE I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING! I grew up in this village and am really not any Brigadier General in any Amestrian military, I am just a humble wiseman of the village."

Sal let out a low growl. It was true that he probably would have been in deep trouble if it wasn't for him, but this entire wiseman thing was starting to get stale. Despite the fact that this man was known for doing unorthodox things, it was a little irritating, to say the least. After stopping for a moment, he took a deep breath. If he was going to do this, he'd have to go along with this whole "Wiseman Sualokin" gig. That was all there was to it at this point. As such, Sal forced himself to smile apologetically.

"Sorry, wiseman Sualokin. I should be more grateful for your help. After all, I'm just an innocent little boy, and I don't know any better." Realizing now that there were a lot of creatures in the area that gave off a vibe of being predators, Sal felt a chill go down his spine. He didn't deal well with predatory animals, considering he wasn't much of one himself. Slowing down enough to be next to the man instead of in front of him, he looked around. He had no idea where to go from here. Maybe the "wiseman" would know, but at this point, the small Ishvallan wasn't so sure if asking him would be to his advantage or his disadvantage. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he decided he didn't have much of a choice.

"So, Ni-... Wiseman Sualokin, where does the...DREAD ONE...live? In what kind of place, I mean? I think I could find it if I knew what kind of place it is..." Just then, however, Sal picked up a familiar scent. It smelled of...cat urine. Though unpleasant, he immediately recognized it and decided that this would be his saving grace. "Never mind, I think I may have figured out where to go!" With a determined grin, he followed the trail of the cat urine by smell. His eyes began to water a little bit, but he figured he could power through it for the sake of his survival. Spotting some droppings, he felt even more relieved. They were dry, at first, but the more he followed the smell, the more recent they seemed to be.

After a while, they reached a section of the woods that was substantially different. "Hey...wise man...where...where are we?"